My Psychic Stalker, Part II "Bombarded with Attention"

Over the next few days, Chris bombarded me with virtual attention. He assured me that I was unique and that he had experienced "a very powerful flash" as we established our psychic connection. He offered me a gift, a "psychic talisman"to put under my pillow in order that we might communicate via an astro-telepathic contact that he had established by joining his mind to mine. He wrote, "I am making you a priority because you deserve it" and "Now, you have found in me a friend, an adviser and a confidant who can offer you a better life."

As flattering as all this attention was, I began to wonder at the speed with which our relationship was developing. I felt uneasy about all the mind-joining that was going on, because--frankly--there were some things in my mind that I didn't particularly want Chris to know. First of all, I don't really believe that the stars and tarot cards (which Chris had consulted) have anything to do with my behavior. 


Second, I haven't put anything under my pillow since I was 6 years old and awoke in alarm to find my parents impersonating the Tooth Fairy and attempting to slip a quarter under my tousled head. (These were the days when kids were content with something less than a no-limit debit card in exchange for loose teeth.)  Also, I didn't want Chris to know that on December 3rd, I had blatantly ignored his advice--as per my astrological chart--to stay home and had, instead, had a wonderful day out at the local Co-op's Winter Festival. 

Clearly, Chris had divined my reticence. Now, his emails grew more fervid, the messages filled with ominous warnings about a "cloud of negative thoughts" and challenges that I needed his help to overcome. He wrote: "If you contacted me using my website, there was a reason. This reason is simple: You need someone who really cares for you and who will help you with each one of the important decisions of life."


Well, Chris, you're a little late. You could have advised me through marriages, divorces, child-raising, choosing a college major, accepting job offers, buying real estate, and whether or not Dusky Rose was the right shade of lipstick. How did I ever manage my life without you?


"I am holding out my hand to you, please take it," he wrote. Oh, Chris! Don't you know that on the internet, there are no hands?




Next time: Chris gets amorous.