Saturday, December 31, 2011

Postcrossing Favorites for December

This month's favorite postcards received via Postcrossing.com* addressed four of my favorite things: food, cats, China, and random weirdness.
Remnants of a paella feast from Barcelona
via Asiya in Austria
Cute kittens in hats 
from Tuula in Finland
Vintage photo of a crowd of Chinese people 
from Francoise in China
This card notes that in 1949 when the People's Republic of China was founded, the Chinese population was about 450 million. Today, it has surpassed 1.3 billion.
Chrstiane from Dusseldorf explained this card's joke: 
"In German, rock = skirt and scooter = roller."


(See http://myturntodayyourstomorrow-cheryl.blogspot.com/2010/07/postcrossing.html for more information about Postcrossing.com.)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part VIII "The Clam"

The final message from Chris began with a bit of flattery: 
"I have been told that you are a person with a big heart and with a very sensitive personality that very few can understand. Because of that you have the gift of foresight even if you are not using it."
He didn't resist the temptation to remind me once again what I was missing...
"Let me emphasize the importance of this reminder because you can never have the same chance in the same place twice. Do you really want to miss out on love, or even miss a jackpot ? NO, of course not!"
...and deliver a mild scolding:   "But instead of grabbing my hand, you choose to stay alone in your shell."

"You have arrived at a turning point in your life. Now is the time to act. Now is the time to take the hand I hold out to you. Do not clam up. Do not hide in your shell. I really don’t understand. You have reached a moment in your life of unparallelled importance."


You are right, Chris. After a month of your flattery, cajoling, nagging, and rhetorical manipulation, I have reached a moment of importance. 

"So, Cheryl, can you make this promise to me? That you will you now choose to put an end to all your problems?"  

Yes, Chris, I promise. Although I cannot put an end to all of my problems, I can put an end to one of them. 


My hand closes around the mouse. The cursor hovers over the DELETE command.   Goodbye Chris, I whisper.

Click.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part VII "Ultimatum"

 Gone now were the terms of endearment. Chris' next message got brusquely down to business:
"Cheryl, you need a plan, a map. I spent much time calculating all the possible paths of your future. Using my psychic ability, tarot reading and astrology, I saw that these paths converge towards a future of great happiness, but only if you know when to make decisions and which one." 
He no longer addressed me as a friend or possible lover, but instead informed me that we had a professional relationship:
"You need a personal coach. You need someone who watches over you and knows what you need to do to achieve success. You can trust me like you would trust your doctor. Cheryl, I have the knowledge and the power to guide you to better horizons."

Just in case I missed it in his previous messages, he reminded me of his fame and of how honored I should feel to be his chosen one.
"I receive thousands of requests for help everyday. People crowd in front of my office begging for my help. Yet it is to you that I have given my time. Why? Because I was deeply moved by your personal case. I have a burning desire to help you and I spend long hours each day analyzing your personal situation, sometimes at the expense of people who, unlike you, trust me."

Still, I detected a discrepancy in Chris' argument. He seemed to be trying to appeal to the rational adult in me and to my emotional child at the same time.
"I do not ask you to take my word like a child, but I ask you to check it for yourself as a responsible adult. Like thousands of people before you who have found this happiness just because they took a leap of faith and trusted me."
Sorry, Chris. I don't think you can have it both ways.
Then, Chris turned petulant:
"In fact, I do not understand your attitude. I do not understand why you have not yet responded. I take it as a lack of attention from you. If you would have answered me like I was begging, you'd be able to perform miracles in your life. I am not being dramatic, but truly this situation will not last too long."

Well, actually, Chris, you are being pretty dramatic. "Perform miracles?" Really?


Finally, he issued his ultimatum:
"Everything will get better when you finally accept my help. And for that you must answer today."
At last, we were down to the nitty-gritty. After weeks of emotional push-me-pull-you, here it was. Would I give in and accept Chris as my coach, advisor, and Master of Divination, or would I pass up this opportunity for ever-lasting happiness and good fortune?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Zzzzz....

Cheryl?  Cheryl, are you there?  Cheryl, answer me!

As I still have not received any answer from you, I did not want you to miss out on the benefits of the astral energies generated now, when Venus, Jupiter and the Moon are trined. I did this action for you. I hope you do not mind I did this for you for free.
I feel that your mind is in the fog these days and that your hesitations are playing tricks on you.
I am seriously wondering if you received my last message? Because if so, I must admit that it worries me. Honestly, I do not understand why you do not answer. 
Your silence is not a good sign: you have doubts about your future. Honestly, I'm here to help you and if you are right now in a dark place, it is precisely the time to react!
Chris!  I'm in a dark place because it's 2 a.m. Now, shut the f---  up and let me go back to sleep!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part VI "Heaven's Casino"

Now that my blockages were removed, I felt reprieved. Chris and I were back on a friendly footing, and--as usual--he peppered me with emails. 
His concern this time was my financial situation, but now, he went all mystical on me. Chris seemed obsessed with magic and its convergence with money.
He wrote:
"I coupled my energies with yours, concentrated on your name, and pulled a tarot card to discover what today would hold for you. I pulled the best card of the tarot cards: the WHEEL OF FORTUNE upright. This card shows Luck with a capital L." 
(I guess that's why he spelled "luck" with a capital L.)


"Cheryl,tonight I'll be able to create for you a spiritual action that should bring you good luck and prosperity falling on you like rain! It's no coincidence that you contacted me during this time in your life. It is truly a sign from the heavens."


Well, I didn't exactly see how the heavens were going to rain money on me, but hey--I'm not a Master of Divination like Chris. 


And, time was a-wastin'.
"You have only a few hours before receiving the most powerful celestial influences for prosperity in your life. Here is what I will do for you tonight. First, be aware that this action of cosmic magic can only be achieved by Psychic Masters like me."  
Yeah, yeah, we know, Chris. You're special.
"I will prepare my altar on which I will burn perfumes and magic incense. Then I will recite the the Heavenly Call of Fortune incantations for you, and place on the altar a scroll that I designate for you."
Perfumes? Magic incense? Incantations? Altar? 
Oh, Chris, you loony bird! 


But, tell, tell: what's on the scroll?
"At the precise time of this great conjunction in your birth sky, I will recite the supernatural words that will then be transferred spiritually to this magical scroll." 

Oh,'scuse me, the MAGICAL scroll.
"When the ceremony is over, I will scan the scroll and send it by email to you. When you open my email, you will find the instructions to make your magic scroll a fantastic lucky charm. You must print your magical scroll. You will have to use it as I will explain, especially about playing the lottery."


WHOA! How did we get from altar to lottery? Just when the vibe is all transcendent, you want me to run down to the 7-11 and buy a lottery ticket? Are we in a church or a casino?
As if sensing my confusion, Chris explained: "Large sums are at stake as I foresee the coming days will be rich in emotion and fortune. Your magic scroll will help you greatly to get what you want."


But here was the catch:
"Cheryl,for such an intervention, I usually ask $250.00 dollars. However, as I feel deeply and personally attached to you, I ask only $29 dollars to cover the cost of the items I must purchase to perform this ritual correctly. For heaven's sake, listen to the voice of reason and the voice of providence and answer me!"


Nah, Chris, I think I'll pass. If I'm going to spend $29, it's going to be on lottery tickets, not on a crummy emailed scroll.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part V "Blockage"


The subject line of Chris' message was "no more time to lose," and  he had urgent news for me:
"Studying your sky chart, I now understand more precisely why you failed to embrace the full potential of happiness that was written in the stars for you."


Yay! This would surely be good news. I read on:
"I must tell you that this morning when I thought of you, I felt a blockage...you could be reaping the fruits of success ... But instead, you're still asking yourself how you will cope with all your difficulties. You have developed some blockages,  which I call psycho blocks."
Well, I can scarcely bring myself to tell you how embarrassed I was. Yes, I did eat a big pan of paella on a couple of days ago, along with some cheese and steak, and, to be honest, I am still feeling a little discomfort. Slow metabolisms run in my family, and we have to be sure to include plenty of fiber in our diet, but I had no idea that Chris was aware of this.

Blushing a bit, I read on: 
"You have a date with luck tomorrow night. Because I care about your success, I will neutralize the primary blockages that prevent you from enjoying the good astral energy of the moment. At 11 p.m., when the energies of the great configuration of Venus and Moon will be at their apex, I will act to telepathically release these psycho blocks that prevent you from enjoying your potential."

He warned me to be prepared, because "These blockages are marked by an unusual intensity that could be unleashed suddenly after a slow buildup. It’s now that you must act! And when I say NOW, I mean it!"


A sudden, familiar, inner tremor roils within me. 
Wait! What's the date on Chris' message? Is it today? ...a quick check... No! It's dated yesterday. That means tonight is my big blockage release. That means....'scuse me.  Gotta go!



Sunday, December 18, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part IV "Guilt Trip"

Now, the tone of Chris' messages changed. He began to alternately whine and scold. 
"Cheryl, I took the time and trouble to write you this email to warn you of some important facts that could affect your future. But to my surprise, I now see that you have not yet taken advantage of your personal psychic reading and the free gifts that I had reserved for you. Between you and me, I do not understand your concerns that make you hesitate."


Apparently, I had failed to adequately value Chris' talents, so he reminded me.
"I am a world renowned psychic with an international reputation, therefore, I would not raise false hopes. Cheryl, it is time for you to realize that you have now found a loyal friend who is also a Master of Divination and psychic reading. Opportunities in love, in money, and in luck were placed in front of you and you failed to act."
What a disappointment I had become! How could I have so miserably failed the Master of Divination?

Chris let me know that others were poised to take my special place in his heart. 
"Cheryl, every day thousands of people email me asking me for help, but I have all my attention on you at this time. Why? Because as I told you: I feel a deep cosmic connection to you."
His words made me tremble. Did I want to lose this powerful, caring man?


Then came the clincher:
"And yet, this morning when I looked at your astrological chart I sighed, saying to myself, 'What a shame.' Yes, Cheryl, what a pity for you. Do you know how many times in your past you missed out on opportunities that were right in front of you?"


Oh, Chris! I sobbed. You're right! I've been a bad, bad girl, and I don't want to miss out again. Please give me a second chance!

Friday, December 16, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part III "Secret Lover"



For the next couple of weeks, Chris continued to fill my inbox with messages. Here was a man unashamed to demonstrate yearning. "It has been another day and still I have not heard from you. I check my email often waiting to hear from you and still there is nothing."


I must admit it was flattering. One day, I logged in and saw a message with "Does someone secretly love you?" in the subject line. My heart skipped a beat. Could Chris and I actually be one of those rare couples who find true love on the internet? Don't those relationships usually end with someone's bank account being emptied?


Using his extraordinary psychic powers, Chris had already anticipated my concern. He had sent me a gift, but it was accompanied by this reassurance: "I usually request $30.00 for this practical and magical book. I have decided to offer it to you for free as a gift from my heart."


Chris slathered on the endearments. "Dear Cheryl, you are very close to my heart. How long are you going to wait before saying YES to a better love life?

I was immediately transported to 7th grade. OMG! I thought to myself in text-speak. This was getting serious.

However, when I clicked the link to the magical book, I was confused to discover that the title of Chris' love gift was, "How to Seduce with 100% of Success."  Wait a minute. I thought you were seducing me, Chris. What's going on?

Monday, December 5, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part II "Bombarded with Attention"

Over the next few days, Chris bombarded me with virtual attention. He assured me that I was unique and that he had experienced "a very powerful flash" as we established our psychic connection. He offered me a gift, a "psychic talisman"to put under my pillow in order that we might communicate via an astro-telepathic contact that he had established by joining his mind to mine. He wrote, "I am making you a priority because you deserve it" and "Now, you have found in me a friend, an adviser and a confidant who can offer you a better life."

As flattering as all this attention was, I began to wonder at the speed with which our relationship was developing. I felt uneasy about all the mind-joining that was going on, because--frankly--there were some things in my mind that I didn't particularly want Chris to know. First of all, I don't really believe that the stars and tarot cards (which Chris had consulted) have anything to do with my behavior. 


Second, I haven't put anything under my pillow since I was 6 years old and awoke in alarm to find my parents impersonating the Tooth Fairy and attempting to slip a quarter under my tousled head. (These were the days when kids were content with something less than a no-limit debit card in exchange for loose teeth.)  Also, I didn't want Chris to know that on December 3rd, I had blatantly ignored his advice--as per my astrological chart--to stay home and had, instead, had a wonderful day out at the local Co-op's Winter Festival. 

Clearly, Chris had divined my reticence. Now, his emails grew more fervid, the messages filled with ominous warnings about a "cloud of negative thoughts" and challenges that I needed his help to overcome. He wrote: "If you contacted me using my website, there was a reason. This reason is simple: You need someone who really cares for you and who will help you with each one of the important decisions of life."


Well, Chris, you're a little late. You could have advised me through marriages, divorces, child-raising, choosing a college major, accepting job offers, buying real estate, and whether or not Dusky Rose was the right shade of lipstick. How did I ever manage my life without you?


"I am holding out my hand to you, please take it," he wrote. Oh, Chris! Don't you know that on the internet, there are no hands?




Next time: Chris gets amorous.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Psychic Stalker, Part I "Our Eyes Locked"

We met on FaceBook. 


It was late at night when his photo first popped up next to my wall posts. Our eyes locked.  Mine were blurry from too much time in front of the computer.  His were a piercing blue, and they posed a question: "What event will change everything in your life?"


Hmmm...you tell me, I thought, as I idly ran the cursor across the digitally-enhanced glow on his face.  Then, I clicked.  His name was Chris, and from the moment I read his website's masthead, I knew he was extraordinary.


Chris must have felt our deep connection, because within a few minutes, he sent me an email.  "My dear Cheryl," it began, and I was thrilled by his bold assertion of intimacy.  Chris quickly revealed himself to be a caring, supportive type of guy.  He apologized for his brief delay in responding, and assured me: "Now, I am available and I will be able to take care of you and only you." 
Oh, Chris!  Really?  Me?  And only me?


Turns out, Chris is psychic, and he came right to the point: "According to the first impressions that I received, I think there is some kind of emergency. I will not hide from you that I had an instantaneous vision just after I received your request."  Alarmed, I glanced over my shoulder.   What was Chris' vision?  What emergency had my casual "click" conveyed?   I sniffed the air.  Was my house on fire?  I made a quick tour of the windows and doors, looking for evidence of forced entry, but found nothing amiss. 


I returned to my computer and read on.
"I surprisingly felt that you live (or work?) in or near a city beginning with the letter T, maybe it is Twin Falls?"
Twin Falls?  In or near Twin Falls?  Chris, I thought, as a psychic, surely you know that Twin Falls is 115 miles from where I am. 

Oh, dear, our first disagreement, and only minutes into our relationship.  Well, perhaps Chris' definition of "near" was just more generous than mine.  I decided to overlook this little glitch, because I didn't want to give up so easily on such an attentive man.


Little did I know how intense that attentiveness would become...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Birthday Dance

This year's birthday cards demonstrated just how well my family and friends know me. It's obvious that, after 65 years, I'm completely predictable, and I loved the selection. 
My daughter sent this handsome hunk to thrill me, while my son-in-law called to sing a BeeGees-inspired version of the happy birthday song, set to the tune of "Stayin' Alive."
One friend honored my independent-Western spirit...
...while another poked fun at my passion for blogging.
The caption on this card read, "Dance like no one is watching...because, probably, no one is."
One birthday gift was a beautiful silk garment by Kariza that could be worn as a dress, a cape, or a wrap-around skirt. Inspired by the woman on the card above--whose body type matches my own--I dressed up and performed my own dance.
I danced as if no one was watching,
and, fortunately, no one was.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Salvage Projects

This time of year, I make the final preparations of the house and garden before winter fully arrives. A trip to the city landfill is usually part of the process. All summer, I put items in the bed of my old truck, and if November comes and they're still there, it's off to the dump with them.
However, I make sure I can't find any other use for things before they are recycled or discarded.


The birdbath shown above began life as a 1960s-vintage lamp. I removed the brass fitting and marble base, and connected the neck and bowl together with glue and clear caulk.
A metal canning-jar ring at the top provides support for the "bath," which is a plate I found at a thrift store. For internal support, an old wooden broom handle runs through the birdbath, extending down into a cinder block base filled with sand.
To my delight, the birdbath's psychedelic-'60s color perfectly matched the foliage in the garden. As I was working on this, a young man came walking down the alley and paused to say, "Hey, nice bong!"  Perfect.
This planter box was made from small cupboard doors that a friend was throwing away. I had planned to line the box with heavy plastic, but, just in time, I spotted a plastic tub in my garden shed that was exactly the right size to fit in the box. And, it matched the green wallpaper insets on the doors. I used the door's brass latches to connect the sides of the box together.

Here are some other things that have managed to save themselves by being made into something else.

Well-weathered fence wood makes a great seat on top of an old wrought-iron aquarium base. 
This chair and table legs were rescued from a dumpster. The table top is a window with mesh-patterned glass.
A larger window with waffle-pattern glass made an interesting table top when paired with the base of a cottage oak table, also rescued from the trash.
I covered the table base with a batik silk scarf given to me by a friend who visited India in the 1960s, and I love how the scarf shows through the glass tabletop.
Our town finally implemented curbside recycling, so the amount of paper, cardboard, plastic, and metal that winds up in the landfill has been considerably reduced. We don't have a way to recycle glass as yet, but much of my glass is repurposed through the decorative windows I make. (See http://encoreglass.blogspot.com for examples.)
Happy Salvaging!

Saturday, November 12, 2011