Now that my blockages were removed, I felt reprieved. Chris and I were back on a friendly footing, and--as usual--he peppered me with emails.
His concern this time was my financial situation, but now, he went all mystical on me. Chris seemed obsessed with magic and its convergence with money.
He wrote:
"I coupled my energies with yours, concentrated on your name, and pulled a tarot card to discover what today would hold for you. I pulled the best card of the tarot cards: the WHEEL OF FORTUNE upright. This card shows Luck with a capital L."
(I guess that's why he spelled "luck" with a capital L.)
Nah, Chris, I think I'll pass. If I'm going to spend $29, it's going to be on lottery tickets, not on a crummy emailed scroll.
He wrote:
"I coupled my energies with yours, concentrated on your name, and pulled a tarot card to discover what today would hold for you. I pulled the best card of the tarot cards: the WHEEL OF FORTUNE upright. This card shows Luck with a capital L."
(I guess that's why he spelled "luck" with a capital L.)
"Cheryl,tonight I'll be able to create for you a spiritual action that should bring you good luck and prosperity falling on you like rain! It's no coincidence that you contacted me during this time in your life. It is truly a sign from the heavens."
Well, I didn't exactly see how the heavens were going to rain money on me, but hey--I'm not a Master of Divination like Chris.
And, time was a-wastin'.
"You have only a few hours before receiving the most powerful celestial influences for prosperity in your life. Here is what I will do for you tonight. First, be aware that this action of cosmic magic can only be achieved by Psychic Masters like me."
Yeah, yeah, we know, Chris. You're special.
Well, I didn't exactly see how the heavens were going to rain money on me, but hey--I'm not a Master of Divination like Chris.
And, time was a-wastin'.
"You have only a few hours before receiving the most powerful celestial influences for prosperity in your life. Here is what I will do for you tonight. First, be aware that this action of cosmic magic can only be achieved by Psychic Masters like me."
Yeah, yeah, we know, Chris. You're special.
"I will prepare my altar on which I will burn perfumes and magic incense. Then I will recite the the Heavenly Call of Fortune incantations for you, and place on the altar a scroll that I designate for you."
Perfumes? Magic incense? Incantations? Altar?
Oh, Chris, you loony bird!
But, tell, tell: what's on the scroll?
"At the precise time of this great conjunction in your birth sky, I will recite the supernatural words that will then be transferred spiritually to this magical scroll."
Oh,'scuse me, the MAGICAL scroll.
"When the ceremony is over, I will scan the scroll and send it by email to you. When you open my email, you will find the instructions to make your magic scroll a fantastic lucky charm. You must print your magical scroll. You will have to use it as I will explain, especially about playing the lottery."
WHOA! How did we get from altar to lottery? Just when the vibe is all transcendent, you want me to run down to the 7-11 and buy a lottery ticket? Are we in a church or a casino?
As if sensing my confusion, Chris explained: "Large sums are at stake as I foresee the coming days will be rich in emotion and fortune. Your magic scroll will help you greatly to get what you want."
But here was the catch:
"Cheryl,for such an intervention, I usually ask $250.00 dollars. However, as I feel deeply and personally attached to you, I ask only $29 dollars to cover the cost of the items I must purchase to perform this ritual correctly. For heaven's sake, listen to the voice of reason and the voice of providence and answer me!"
Perfumes? Magic incense? Incantations? Altar?
Oh, Chris, you loony bird!
But, tell, tell: what's on the scroll?
"At the precise time of this great conjunction in your birth sky, I will recite the supernatural words that will then be transferred spiritually to this magical scroll."
Oh,'scuse me, the MAGICAL scroll.
"When the ceremony is over, I will scan the scroll and send it by email to you. When you open my email, you will find the instructions to make your magic scroll a fantastic lucky charm. You must print your magical scroll. You will have to use it as I will explain, especially about playing the lottery."
WHOA! How did we get from altar to lottery? Just when the vibe is all transcendent, you want me to run down to the 7-11 and buy a lottery ticket? Are we in a church or a casino?
As if sensing my confusion, Chris explained: "Large sums are at stake as I foresee the coming days will be rich in emotion and fortune. Your magic scroll will help you greatly to get what you want."
But here was the catch:
"Cheryl,for such an intervention, I usually ask $250.00 dollars. However, as I feel deeply and personally attached to you, I ask only $29 dollars to cover the cost of the items I must purchase to perform this ritual correctly. For heaven's sake, listen to the voice of reason and the voice of providence and answer me!"
Nah, Chris, I think I'll pass. If I'm going to spend $29, it's going to be on lottery tickets, not on a crummy emailed scroll.
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